so something sort of big happened on new year's eve... i don't know if i should say what it was or not. but it was nice, and i was happy then with having it an isolated occurence... but now i'm sort of thinking about it all the time, and second-guessing myself. and thinking too much has made me really depressed. and it's all confused. i don't know what to think. i even felt ok a few hours ago. and then it got to be later, and my brain slowed down... so tonight i'm boxing stuff up, taking an hour for a break, feeling incapacitated for the whole time, and then motivating myself to do another box. and i have a feeling i'll be up all night tonight, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking...
i may already have a regret for 2007. what do you think?
so i went out for coffee today, with david. i had a soy latte and he had a half-caffienated half-regular coffee, and we talked about the island and things we want to do. and he was so smart and cute and funny, and i have such a crush on him. and i don't know how he feels about me. but it doesn't matter anyway, cause he's moving to portland in a little while, and i'm moving to victoria. but i just wish that before he goes i can spend some more time with him, and maybe smooch him. in the words of qwantz. so funny, he's so much older than me, he has a huge bald spot on his head and lines on his face, and he likes jazz and classical music and doesn't really listen to anything else. and i mentioned dinosaur jr. and he didn't know what i was talking about. but i like that. and he likes star trek and computers and he's americano. and he's from a jewish family and he's got the prettiest lips, and he's a bit neurotic and in his mother's eyes he can't be as great as his older, richer brother. but david has a soul, and a purpose other than making lots of money. and it's ripping him apart to be told he needs to make money and his passion and talent have nothing to do with what he needs to do for the rest of his life. and i suppose i identify with that, though i don't know what i want to do for the rest of my life. he asked me what i would do if my life changed suddenly. if i could keep track of everything that formerly made up my identity. and i couldn't really think of what to say, because i have no idea what i'd do and if i'd even recognize it.
light & shadows cast, further past our time-tara s'appart
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i wrote david an email. i deleted it. i hate being shy. and liking him so much is starting to get uncomfortable. what i have to do is just grab him the next time he's in the store! i need to keep telling myself i am losing nothing by telling him how i feel.
me: how are you today? her: i want a refund for this candy i bought on halloween. me: ok, may i see the reciept? her: here it is. see? i was charged $3.50 and it was supposed to be .99. me: ah, this was ON halloween day, in the morning? her: yeah, i only bought it because it was marked down. can i just get the refund? me: are you sure this was halloween day? maybe it was on another day? maybe this is the wrong reciept. her: no, i bought it on halloween day. they were marking the price down when i got a bag. i guess they didn't enter the price in the computer or something. me: well, you see, i might need to talk with someone about this... her: why can't i just get the refund? me: well, um... i'm sorry... i was here all halloween day. at about 7 pm they marked the candy down to $2.99. i made the sign. they didn't lower the price to .99 until a few days later. her: no, it was marked down and i got it for the regular price, the cashier was wrong. can i just get the refund? *sound of my soul dying a little more* me: yes. i will refund you the price. sorry about that. her: thanks. the cashier was just wrong. it happens.
so i'm drinking a foul brew. and i miss david stone and everyone i love. and i had a lame day at work. and the dog has arrived and while i feel sorry for it and its bad situation, i just can't love it yet. and i have to be at the store while the halloween thing happens, and i DO NOT want to be there.
upd8: i petted the dog. it's nice. it ate a whole hazelnut with the shell attached, and i tried to stop it, but it was too fast. but it let me stick my hand in its mouth and didn't even try to close its mouth. so it's gentle. it's trying to get into my room right now. i suppose the biggest issue is the fact that its nose is so long, and it always gets wet and muddy when it's outside. i can't like that. i drank pabst last night. it was ok. i don't have a headache this morning. sometimes i'm worried that my skin isn't soft enough. but it is today. which is nice. the power went off really quickly, but my computer didn't turn off. my monitor turned itself off but the song playing on my computer kept playing. my clock is flashing. so that's weird. do you know those scented felt pens wee coloured with in kindergarten? the dark blue one smelled like blueberries, the pink one smelled like something mysterious, the black one smelled like licorice. right now my mouth tastes like the brown pen. vaguely cinnamon.
i just got this from my 12-year old sister. i don't know, i just find it really really disturbing, for some reason. maybe because aside from being far more inhibited than her at that age, we are very similar. this is it in its unadulterated form.
> 1. What is your boyfriend/girlfriends name? wouldn't you like to know jk jk > jk > 2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now? BLUE > 3. What are you listening to right now? NOTHING!! > 4. What was the last thing you ate? umm not very sure? > 6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? CHERRY RED LIKE MY NEW HAIR COLOR!!! > 7. How is the weather right now?its night now i dunno? > 8. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? adrienne > 9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? EVERYTHING!! > 11. Do you drink? course i do who doesn't??PASS > 12. Do you smoke? gross no > 13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember what you did? if i did i wouldn't > remember > 14. Hair color? CHERRY RED > 15. Eye color? hazel > 16. Do you wear contacts? no > 17. Favorite holiday? halloween > 18. Favourite month? march > 19. Have you ever cried for no reason? yeah > 20. What was the last movie you watched? monster house, it was stupid > 21. Favorite Day of the Year? 5:04 am christmas eve > 22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? yeah if there was someone to ask > 23. If you could say something to someone right now what would it be? blah blah bla i cant hear you > 24. Chocolate or vanilla? PASS > 26. Do you want your friends to respond to this? yeahh > 27. Who is most likely to respond? ????? > 30. Piercings? i have both ears and i whant two more > 31. Favorite movie, i dunno stick it > 32. Favorite football team? I HATE FOOTBALL I DONT GETIT!! > 33. What were you doing before this? i dunno? > 34. Any pets? 1 dog an 1 cat > 36. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? both > 37. Dogs or cats? love them both > 38. Favorite flower? sweetpeas > 39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? heck yeah all the time in school > 41. Have you ever been in love? OMG HELL YEAH I JUST GOT OVER MY LATEST CRUSH > 42. Who would you like to see right now? heh heh im not saying > 43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten? kind of, ALL OF THEM, even the boys > 44. Have you ever fired a gun? omg yeah > 45. Do you like to travel by plane? NO IVE NEVER EVEN BEEN OUTTA THE COUNTRY!!!!! > 46. Right-handed or Left-handed? both > 47. If you could be with someone right now,who would it be? heh heh a crush > 48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 10 or so > 49. Are you missing someone? yeah > 50. Do you have a Tattoo? no > 51. Are there people on your msn contact list that you would date or go on a > date with? HELL YEAH
ok, you guys, looking at my flickr account, i've just realized that i have the most beautiful life ever. i know only beautiful people, i see only beautiful things, i think only beautiful thoughts. i love being alive and able to think.
so here's the dog my parents are getting. it's an irish terrier. i'm calling it turkey, which is a much more fitting name than "ricky". its previous owner committed suicide and it lived in a shelter for a few weeks before being sent back to the breeders. it's house-trained but it's apparently quite rambunctious and it needs more training. so i feel sad for it, and i'm half in love with it, but i'm still worried. and really, i am not one to love dogs. they're getting it this weekend. they're driving to penticton where the breeders are.
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praise_ratface's journal
mixy
exhausted
slight buzz, slight nausea.
contemplative
final fantasy
sleepy and domestic.
